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US Markets Loading H M S In the news. Life Contributors. Charyn Pfeuffer. Marriage is a lifelong dream for many — I can't say the same for me.
Though I've had my fair share of long-term relationships , there's many reasons why I'd rather not get married — like my independence and polyamorous relationship style. Here's why I'll never get married. I'm in no way religious. It has long been held that couples become like each other over time the same way as a pet cat starts resembling his mistress or vice versa. Researchers at Michigan State University and the University of Minnesota found that nothing of the sort happens. The reason why silver couples look so alike is because they started that way.
Fidel Castro woos the bearded lady. When it comes to marriage, opposites don't really attract; they make for strange bedfellows. If fat and foolish is the fate of marriage, why do people tie the knot at all? God Forbid, they want insurance. Parthasarathi Swami writes.
Share Via. None By Parthasarathi Swami. The writer is Managing Editor, Business India. Get our Daily News Capsule Subscribe. Thank you for subscribing to our Daily News Capsule newsletter. Whatsapp Twitter Facebook Linkedin. Sign Up. Edit Profile. Subscribe Now. Your Subscription Plan Cancel Subscription. I suddenly want to watch sports all the time. The sex I want to have is of the unemotional, definitely physical persuasion.
It's not bad, but marriage will reveal to you that despite your best efforts, you're just like every other bozo with a penis. Getting married is like joining an all-consuming new religion. Imagine if your best friend became a Mormon or a Jain. You'd both want to go out for dinner, prove how it's not such a big difference after all, how the commonality of your friendship and your love of the Mets is bigger than believing God delivered messages to Joseph Smith on gold plates that were buried in the ground.
And you will have that dinner, drink a couple of beers. It may not dawn on you until weeks or even months later, but eventually it'll occur to you that you're no longer speaking the same language. You'll be kind of amazed at the stuff your single friends spend their time worrying about—she had no idea how to make a perfect old-fashioned! And you will think: on balance, not as good. By the way, he hates Irish Car Bombs. If you're buying champagne, buy the great stuff.
If you're buying flowers, don't skimp. If you're throwing a party, throw a big party with friends she loves and great food. And karaoke, if need be. No ambivalence here. What's not within the range of "normal": actually trying to bang the cleaning lady. She liked a shirt at J. Crew, but they didn't have it in her size.
She couldn't figure out how to download that Marc Maron comedy podcast. She loves peonies, but she can never find them in town.
In the past, unless you were in the boyfriend hall of fame, this information would vanish from your head as quickly as it appeared. But with the benefit of coming into contact with this information again and again, you can avail yourself of the chance to put it to good use. You'll download the podcast for her, phone another J.
Crew, and put the peonies you found in a vase near the front door. Suddenly sex with your wife will be like sex with someone you don't know. Kissing your wife will literally feel like kissing her in the first moments you ever met, when you were excited to find out that she even existed.
There's a real lesson in this. You don't know what's going to happen in marriage, which from the outside would appear to be the absolute most static human state. Because from the inside, marriage is dynamic, challenging, and from one day to the next mixes the high and the low in such a cocktail that half the time you can't tell if you're drunk or hungover.
But you're happy, and you love your wife, and what's the big deal? The big deal is that unless you keep evolving, you're going to get depressed. Taciturn, grumbly, lonely, and slightly overweight: Your new friends will become Mr. Bag of Cheez Doodles, Mr.
Gin and Tonic, Mr. On Demand. You'll start to resent "her" friends. You'll develop odd hobbies—calligraphy, maybe—and behave more or less like a mushroom.
That's why. You're going to think, from time to time, that your wife is crazy. The only reason we don't realize that most people are crazy is that we're not married to most people. But here's the key: Don't tell her she's crazy. Not only that: Stop thinking she's crazy. Treat her irrational feelings as rational, because that's how they feel to her.
It's called compassion. And marriage is one of the few ways we ever really learn it. My wife went to lunch with a group of girlfriends. When she came home, she told me all about it: "We got trashed, and then everyone started talking about how often they have sex with their husbands.
Well, yeah, she said. An argument ensued. I'll spare you the details, but from my end it boiled down to this: Marriage is different, and if it's going to work, it needs to stay that way.
It's the deepest, most complex, most demanding relationship of your life. Some information should be absolutely privileged. There are ways to know if yours is going okay. We called psychologist John Gottman—the marriage counselor who claims he can predict the success or failure of a marriage with 94 percent accuracy—and asked him to reveal to us some of the most telling features of good and bad marriages.
You don't take for granted the thoughtful things your partner does—replacing your toothbrush or asking how the Cubs are doing when she could give a crap about sports. When you fight, neither one blames the other, and each takes responsibility. Note: If you act like this, you were created in a lab by Dr. Phil and the woman who wrote The Secret. You still have big, openended conversations about the future—"Are we happy at our jobs?
I have always had a difficult time with Jessica and Dan. Maybe it's because they're always tan from skiing in the Dolomites. It may have to do with his relationship with his Labradoodle.
I think he might be gay with that dog.
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